I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
