Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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