im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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