I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
