You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
