How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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