dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
