On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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