i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
