i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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