Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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