i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
