Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
