Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
