OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
