hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
