Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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