My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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