8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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