Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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