I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
