I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
