i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you win again, gameday.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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