Tell her she can't have a vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When are your genitals available?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
