two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
