Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
NoShamevember. You game?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
