My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i came on her dog
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
