dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
