i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
