she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
