I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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