i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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