guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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