Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
