If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
