so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
