Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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