We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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