do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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