Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
