I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
