I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
