Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
