i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
