would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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