Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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