I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
