just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just cropdusted the office
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You need a sexual gate keeper
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
