We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
