I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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