she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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