the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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