I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
